Totally in the Trees

I’m curious… anyone else having trouble seeing the forest for the trees today? Particularly mothers of little gremlins…errr…babies?

If so, I have one word for you – solidarity!

I have a few MORE words for those of you who have already gone through this stage of life or who think you’re not stuck in the middle of the dang forest with the rest of us:

1. If you ever told anyone, anywhere, at ANY time that mothering a baby is easy, then you are a bloody liar.  A LIAR!!!  Fact.  If I could remember who you are (I can’t because I suffer from mom brain), I would turn you into the Bloody Liar Police.  If I ever get over my mom brain malady, you people are in some big ole trouble…

2. If you have been through this phase of life and were blessed with an easy baby (or babies), then count your lucky stars. You win, okay?  I don’t know what you win (joy, sanity, time to shower, maybe?), but you win.  Also, I hate you a little bit.  Not a whole lot (cause I’m kiiiinda happy for you), but a little bit.

3. If you are in the same phase of life (with an itty bitty kiddo that you’re expected to keep alive and important stuff like that) and are able to leave your house (without help!!!) for things like a coffee with friends or a trip to Target… you better go ahead and enjoy yourself.  Also, I’m tempted to call you a bloody liar because I basically don’t know how that’s possible.  But I’m giving you the benefit of the doubt because I’m trying to be more gracious up in my life.  You’re welcome.

4. If you showered today (without an audience of one or more children) then you’re having a good day.  YOU JUST ARE, okay?!  Don’t question me on this.

5. Similarly, if your child has napped more than 30 minutes today, you are LUUUUCKKKKYYY!  Lucky, you hear me?! Enjoy yourself, woman!  Take a bubble bath or something.  Or, I dunno, eat.

6. Speaking of, if you remembered to eat today, props.  I give you cool points.  (Editor’s Note – I remembered I needed to eat as I typed this, so I’m eating cold pie straight out of the pan.  Truth   One hand holding baby, the other shoveling pie.   No shame.)

7. If your house looks like a train barreled through it, but you can’t fix it cause #needybaby, I feel ya.  I would send you a picture of my own home to make you feel better, but I won’t because I’m trying to retain SOME semblance of not losing my ever loving mind up in here.  DUH.

And to you who are having trouble seeing the forest for the trees, like I, here’s a thought… let’s just burn down the whole bloody forest!!!  At least we could say we did something productive for the day, eh?

Hang in there, my fellow moms.  They *say* we’ll survive this.  Buuuuut, then again, they could be bloody liars…

P.S. In case you haven’t picked up on it, “bloody” is my newest most favorite word because it makes me British.  And because I’m obsessed with the new royal engagement.  DUH.

P.P.S. I typed this blog post on my telly (that’s a telephone for those of you who aren’t British like me) while holding aforementioned #needybaby.  I wouldn’t want ya thinking I’m having a leisurely coffee while blogging to my heart’s content.  Cause, #imnotabloodyliar.  DUH!

A Birthday Blessing

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My Best Pregnancy Advice (Volume III)

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My Best Pregnancy Advice (Volume II)

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The (Good) Friday Feels

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Sprinkle at 28

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A Little Thankful

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The Friday Feels

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